I have been trying to figure out what "being myself" means now. I am not the same person I was... but who am I?
I have started going to yoga again.... and went to hypnotherapy last week. I am trying to clear away some of this anger that has overtaken my life. I want to be a person that Owen could be proud of... and I am not. I am so angry and it makes me a harsh person. I don't even know how to describe the anger that sinks its teeth into me. I want to crush things. I assume that this is not how a healthy person should feel... so I guess I'm trying to remedy it.
At yoga this week... I remembered what it feels like to breathe. I feel like I haven't been able to take a breathe since January. Fear and stress and grief and anger have this effect to where I cannot breathe. I think breathing is the first step to finding myself. It seems simple... but it is so easy to give in to the thoughts racing in my brain and to forget.
So I am now going to consciously embark on a journey to figure out who I am now... underneath the anger.
Sometimes when I get upset I think of that "breathe, just breathe" song and sing it in my head for a minute. Oddly, it seems to help. May the yoga be rejuvenating for your mind and soul, friend. You are smart to take things one step at a time. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are the same Beatiful Person as you always were. A little more Pain, a little less Faith, but your still the GREATEST Teacher Ever:-)
ReplyDeleteTake a little breath, and Savior the moment, but you will still come out on top:-)
We believe in you:-)