Medium

So on Friday night, I went to see a medium.  It was a group of about 12 people, so it wasn't a private session or anything.  I know many may have thoughts or judgments about me believing in mediums, psychics, what-have-you, but I believed in all of it long before I lost Owen (i.e. those people should keep their comments to themselves).  I was very anxious for this session because I so wanted it to leave me feeling a bit lighter.  I was also prepared for the fact that it may not do anything for me. 

I am glad to say that it was a very positive experience.  Again, there were about 12 people in the group, so I got about 10-15 minutes of reading just for me, but I just feel better.  I would absolutely do it again in a private session.  I am not going to go into detail about what was said to me, but everything was full of hope and beauty and love.  I feel more hopeful today than I have felt in a year.  We found out in January of last year that something was wrong... and I have been living in my own personal hell since that day.  My son brought so much into my life, and when he left, my heart went with him to Heaven.  Last night was the first time since he died that I felt like I was a mother, and that someone else could see that I was a mother.  She could see my love for him and his love for me. 

Today has been the best day for my husband and I in a long time. He did not go with me last night, but I know he can feel my new sense of hope.  I feel like some of the weight of my constant grief has been lifted. It is still there, and this experience of course does not make me miss Owen less, or make my anger go away, but I feel like it's less heavy.  I can breathe without feeling like there is a boulder sitting on my chest. 

Many tears were cried last night... and even as I write this... but I feel for the first time like the tears are not only for my despair, but for my love too.  

I hope that this feeling lasts, but I'll take what I can get for now.