Back to "normal"????

It seems like one of the most unfair things about losing Owen, is that our day to day lives haven't changed. Everything is the same it was before, except for us. We are sad and broken, but nothing else is different. We make plans, we see movies, we are still "childless". It feels like my entire world should be ripped apart and nothing should be recognizable, because how could the world that I live in stay in tact when such an unthinkable thing has happened? My son is dead. I cry over his pictures and I try to remember what it feels like to touch him, but he is not here. Why has the world not gone out of its orbit? But it hasn't... "life," or some twisted version of life, goes on... every day it just keeps going. People have asked me if I'm ready to get back to "normal"... meaning going back to work as the school year starts soon, and I just don't know how to answer that question. I don't believe there will ever be a normalcy about my life again. Normal would be for me to be exhausted from middle of the night feedings, not exhausted because I can't sleep because I'm thinking about my lost baby. I guess my new version of normal is this...ready to cry at any moment, envying other people with their children, and treasuring my too-short time with my son. I believe I just have to learn how to live without being a whole person. A part of me will always be missing and there is no way to fix it. I know in my heart that I am meant to be a mother to a child who can stay with me, and I therefore know that someday I will be, but I just know that Owen has taken a piece of my heart and my soul to Heaven with him, and I won't get it back until I see him again. There is no "normal" about this.